April 19, 2017

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Don’t Be Anal - Don't Hold it in!

January 31, 2017

 

“Romantic? Maybe not, but the realisiation we could openly discuss our bowel movements marked another major realization: our marriage is THAT strong and secure,” an uncle recently revealed.

 

“Our Anglo-centric culture makes us embarrassed by pooing, weeing and associated noises and odours,” he said. “But why being coy about something as much a part of life as breathing or eating?”

 

Ironically, if you are too embarrassed to mention such alarming things like blood in your bowel movements to your life partner, it could mean death. What a choice: die of embarrassment, or colon cancer!” my uncle observed.

 

Yes, there comes a time in one’s relationship where the inevitable happens - you just can't hold it any longer – verbally OR physically.

 

Whether it's by an illness; a rumbling gut; or, an uncomfortable presence - it's going to come out eventually. That something is Poop! Yes, poop, poo, shit, crap, stool, this fecal matter could make or break the relationship. So, cut the crap! Get comfortable with your movements and move on. 

 

Research shows couples who poop together, stay together, with posts from several relationship advisers stating the fact that once a couple is comfortable with the subject matter and can walk to the lavatory with not a care in the world, things just become a lot easier.

 

But what about the smell? How terrifying is it when the new “love interest” hears AND smells the results of a `dump?

When overhearing a senior couple discuss the firmness of their stools etcetera, most young people tend to think: “Ewwww!!!”

It is NOT dramatic to say your life can depend on open discussion of what is as normal a function as eating a hamburger…except, of course, pooing is the opposite end of that function and definitely NOT as pleasurable.

 

So, in the meantime: how can a new, not so open couple mask this natural functions: lingering gaseous residue? An article from the website www.thrillist.com has the answer, with some professional advice from a Plumber to somewhat alleviate the issues and also the article on: "How to Poop like a secret agent" will be a great deal of help, but first I’ll introduce you to a play from my own hand book.

 

The smoke screen (well, its steam, but hey!?).

 

THIS WILL ONLY WORK WHEN THERE IS A TOILET IN THE BATHROOM.

 

1: Enter the bathroom,

 

2: run the shower and get down to business. You want it too seem as If you’ve jumped right in,

 

3: then quietly go about your business – the steam will mask the smell. Close the lid when you’re done;

 

4: to contain the residual smell, have a shower using lots of soap to get the fragrance through the air.

 

5:  Shortly after you’ve finished flush the toilet as if you’ve just pee’d (extra points for not “apparently” peeing in the shower).

 

6:  Wash your hands and continue to dress; use deodorant if possible.

 

Good luck…

 

 

 

 

 

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